Potret

I love this song so much. I don't know why, this is the most beautiful song i've ever heard and it become even more beautiful when at the end, I can relate my life to this song.

It's been more than a year now, I lost a junior. A sister, a friend. She's irreplaceable. She's that kind of person who don't mind travelling for hours just to meet me for half an hour or to help me with alumni work. She's one of a kind.

I work even more harder, I make myself even more busier just to erase her from my daily thought. Kak Wan tried so hard, Laila.

This song, 2 years ago, we were singing and screaming in the car together. We did this everytime we went out for a dinner. She studied here, in Unisel. I met her quite often. I'll try to be there when she's in fear due to blackout or any current cases. Eveytime I send her back, she'll asked me to wait ;

"Kak Wan jangan balik selagi tak nampak Laila sampai dpn rumah tau. Tunggu tau. Laila naik ni."

After that, she'll be waving at me with naughty smile. Happy because I treated her like a child.

I suffer from depression. I have some kind of mental disorder due to overthinking for a year. I didn't meet any of my junior during this period. I even hope I don't love anyone, anymore. I'm afraid that i'll lose any of them again. I lose hope. My faith was at it's lowest point. I'm afraid of everything especially myself.

In my mind "Kenapa lah aku tak mati je masa aku masuk hospital dulu"

That was crazy. I know. Macam orang takde pedoman.

I'm recovering, still. Those people who stay, let me sleep beside them whenever i'm alone, listen to my nonsense talk, rationalize my negative thought and keep mee standing until now, Allah je mampu balas jasa korang.

Sampai skrng masih belum boleh duduk sorang. I hate being alone. I don't like the road I usually use to meet her, I hate Sec 7 now because it remind me of her.

Laila, do you miss me?