Wide awake

Staying at mama's house. Doing data entry. Watching videos. Videos that make me wide awake . Allah T-T What am I doing all this while when my mom dad bro and sis are sacrificing their life for me there -- at Syria ? Pray  That's all I can do T-T

I can't accept the fact that -- pray is the only thing I can do .

But I'm not sure If my Iman s ready to go there. If I were the one who are caught and 'kena tanam hidup-hidup' I will stick to kalimah Lailahai Illallah or I'll give in ? Nauzubillah. Dekat sini kita senang cakap kita takkan menyerah tp dgn iman senipis kulit bawang nak dibanding dgn jiwa jihad mrka di sana mampu ke kita ni bila senapang dah depan mata? Allah Allah

Astaghfirullah T-T